After posting my elevator pitch article, I got a very positive response from writers that were struggling with it. Thanks to all of you that read it!
However, there was a detractor. I engaged that person to find out what their problem with it was and how I could address it, and in the process I offered some elevator pitch advice for their specific story. Here is the exchange in its entirety.
Him: It's the usual meaningless jargon. If a summary of the book can adequately convey what the book is about, then the book itself becomes pointless.
Me: so how did you get your book picked up, then?
Because I've had 3 different publishers pick my books up, and having a good succinct elevator pitch was an integral part of that happening.
Him: if you're writing to market, that may be true. Some of us, however, are writing a story first and foremost. The market is irrelevant.
Me: ...which is fine if you're the only person you want to read your book.
For the rest of us, getting other people interested in reading our story is kind of important. And the longer it takes to explain what your story is about, the less chance you have of getting someone interested.
And you only have so much space on the back cover of your book for a blurb to explain to readers why they should buy your book instead of the latest fire & ice book.
So please tell us what your book is about.
Him: My first story is over a million words long. It's epic fantasy. It's about the contradiction between honour and victory. It's about characters finding the courage to embrace dishonour for the good of their world. It's an adventure story with swords, magic, and characters who must choose to follow a path they don't want to walk. The sequel is not as long. That's about the difference between right and righteousness, it's about forgiving when someone isn't sorry, it's about offering friendship to those who will abuse it, even though the characters know it will be abused. Those are just the themes, of course. The first story involves an invasion, war, honourable self sacrifice, and derring do. The second involves enemies working together against a mutual threat that involves ants and fungus. At no point in any of the 9 (so far) books is sex used as an alternative to having a story.
Me: ah. So who published your book? I can tell people about it on my blog.
Also, it doesn't matter if your story is ten words or ten billion. You can still explain the driving conflict in a few sentences. If you don't have a central conflict, you don't have a story.
Him: I self-published my books. It's epic fantasy; It's nigh on impossible to break into traditional publishing with fantasy. And with a very long multi-volume story, once the first few were out there was zero point in even submitting to anywhere until the story is finished. And it's not yet.
As I already said, most of what you have written in that blog may mean something to you, but it's like trying to read Cantonese to me.
What's the biggest conflict driving the story? What do you even mean by 'biggest'?
There's an invasion by magic-using evil cannibals that the good guys must repel. Is that the biggest?
Or is it Tam learning that honourable isn't always the same as right and having to choose to do things that are dishonourable, but necessary? Learning how to hold onto his true self despite having to do things he considers deeply dishonourable.
Or is it Trerin, learning that he can't go through life making jokes, that the fate of their world rests on him, when all he wants to do is die?
Or is it Crystu learning to control her thoughtless impulses and become the leader she is meant to be?
Or is it Xareht, leading an invasion where she knows that her god considers her expendable, and she wants to survive?
Or maybe Cherex, who hasn't failed at anything for so many centuries that he sees only what he expects to see?
It's probably Tam learning to set aside honour. But the other things are all important too.
In the new serial, Is it the ants spreading the fungus that will destroy magic? Is it the priests who spread the ants in order to force the end of magic?
Or is it Tenjian facing his fears to work with the man who murdered his family? Is it Sharell realising that she has been on the wrong side her whole life and must change? Is it Cherex, trying to rebuild his status while an enemy is trying to befriend him? Or Eodnall discovering that just maybe everythinghe has believed about magic was wrong?
Who can say what is the biggest conflict when there are so many? Is any one bigger than the others?
Actually, in the current story, the biggest conflict would probably be the thing I'm keeping secret until the end. Is it what the angels/First Ones have been planning for over three thousand years?
How is the first serial different from every other fantasy book? No wolves, no elves, no vampires, no teenage girls, no sex. It's different because of its themes. Faith and trust.
How is the second different? Again, because of the themes. Which are forgiveness and faith.
What are my heroes trying to do? In the first story - they're protecting their way of life from an evil aggressor.
In the second story - they're trying to protect their way of life from an aggressor who isn't evil, learning to work with people they think ARE evil, and passing tests and none of them knowing what's really going on.
Does any of that tell you what the books are about? Not really.
However, as I never use lifts anyway, I will never been in the situation of trying to describe the story in 30 seconds.
Me: let me help you out here, because there are quite a few people that have gotten epic fantasy stories published traditionally. and agents are actively looking for epic fantasy books to represent.
and, like i said, when trying to promote your self-published books, it helps to have focused marketing materials. do you advertise your books at all? if you do, then you need to convince your potential readers to give your book a chance over all of the other epic fantasy books competing for their attention. what is the blurb you print on the back of your book? what do you use for your banner ads and magazine ads? what would you use for a billboard? what would you say about your book in a 30-second radio ad? what do you say about your book in a televised interview when you only have 1 minute to tell thousands of viewers why they should buy your book? I'm assuming you actually want people to read your book.
Let's look at what you just told me about your book.
"There's an invasion by magic-using evil cannibals that the good guys must repel. "
stop right there. You just gave me the brunt of your elevator pitch and you didn't even know it. without that singular conflict, none of the other conflicts you mention happen or even matter. That is the glue holding your story together and the foundation that every other story beat is built on. Magic-using cannibals is a pretty big problem to solve, and is a hook all by itself. so we start there.
I am writing an epic fantasy myself. I'm on book two. Here's my pitch: "a runaway princess and her berserker husband must team up with their mortal enemies to stop a planet-consuming eldritch horror and the rampaging death cult that worships it." see how that gives the most important beats of the story upfront? yes, there is a ton of nuance and character development and subplots and worldbuilding and lore and magic systems and history and all that good stuff (and this is just my first book), but from reading that short blurb they get everything they need to know to make a decision on whether the book would be something they are interested in reading. That is the purpose of an elevator pitch.
now let's talk about your central characters.
tam is having a crisis of conscience.
trerin jokes to hide his death wish.
crystu is reckless and impulsive (i have a character like that in my story too btw)
xareht is a reluctant leader questioning her allegiance.
so you can literally say that all of these are reluctant heroes banding together to face a common foe. Let’s add that.
So your pitch for book one is "A band of reluctant heroes must save their world from invading magic cannibals." That's the meat of your entire book in a nutshell. literally nothing else happens in your book if this doesn't happen. that's all you need to start promoting your book.
and yes, this is only for book one. that's fine. focus on selling book one, because if nobody reads book one, chances are they're not going to be interested in books two through twelve, either.
So what do you think? Does my side of our dialogue make sense, or do you side with him? And do the elevator pitches for either his book or mine interest you in reading them? (if you’re interested in mine, let me know. I need more beta readers!) give me your thoughts and feedback in the comments.
Oh, and if you want me to come up with a pitch for your book like I came up with one for his, I can do that for you….if you become a paid subscriber. It’s only 30 bucks for a year. Just send me an email telling me about your book after you make payment.