Donnie Darko and Ego Death
Tips for writing the moment where your characters realize It's Not About Them.
At the climax of cult classic movie Donnie Darko, an encounter that causes the death of his girlfriend and meeting (and killing) a man eerily similar to a man that had been haunting him for the duration of the story brings everything he had been going through full circle. At this point in time, Donnie decides to take his girl's body to his house, where he witnesses yet another moment that brings his story full circle. He awakes in his room and laughs as he is killed by a tragic moment he avoided earlier. The decision to go home and set the ending events of the movie into motion show an acceptance of his role in solving the time travel and alternate reality dilemma he found himself in, even at the cost of his own life. Conversely, his laughter suggests he had let go of his fear of death and attachment to his individual existence. These two moments are examples of ego death. Ego death is defined as a transcendental experience where one's sense of self dissolves, often leading to a profound realization about existence, purpose, or interconnectedness. In other words, ego death is the moment when you realize It's Not About You. This is a moment of character growth that is a crucial part of many character arcs, and is something you want to be sure to recognize within your story and treat with the proper gravitas. Here are some tips on how to achieve that.
How to recognize if your character is experiencing Ego Death
You may already be writing a character that is experiencing ego death, or is already on that path. Take a hard look at everything your character is experiencing and how it is affecting their attitudes. Now compare that with these telltale signs of ego death:
Dissolution of Identity – They no longer recognize themselves, feeling detached from their name, past, or personality. They might say, "Who am I?" or struggle to recall personal details.
Loss of Control – They feel powerless over their thoughts and actions, as if they are merely observing life rather than participating in it.
Oneness with Everything – A profound sense of unity with the universe or surroundings, where personal boundaries dissolve, possibly making them feel like they are everything and nothing at the same time.
Radical Shift in Perspective – they no longer see life, relationships, or even reality the same way. Their previous motivations or desires may seem meaningless, leading to a profound transformation.
If your character's arc has some of these facets, then they are in an ego death process, and I recommend you lean into that as you develop your character.
Trigger the Transformation
Ego death rarely happens in a vacuum. This realization usually comes at the tail end of a triggering moment that forces the character to rethink their place in the grand scheme of things. Near-death experiences, traumatic events, and encounters with higher powers are good examples of events that trigger ego death. Epiphanies and the process of putting together things that had only been at the periphery of the mind are also fair game. You want to show your triggering event in a way that the audience can see how it would change one's entire perspective and worldview.
Strip Away The Self
External events can also be a key part of your character's erosion of self. A shattered worldview, a loss of perceived control, the loss of loved ones, a fall from grace and loss of status, and other such things can strip away layers of identity and force your character to come to the end of themselves and consider embracing a new paradigm where they consider the interconnectedness of everything in their lives. This is an instance of where you want the things your character identified themselves with fall away, or they must choose to let them go to achieve their goal. Material possessions, relationships, status and even agency are things you can take away from them until they come to the understanding that It is bigger than them. Once the items connecting them to self are stripped away, then you want to replace that with things connected to the greater whole. The Grinch seeing the citizens of Whoville celebrating Christmas without their presents and decorations showed him a deeper connection of humanity that went past superficial things, which was a connection he had been missing.
Conversely, the self can also be stripped away by adding to the character. Falling in love, finding and growing close to family, and getting involved in community can also show them how interconnected everyone is and decide to get part of that.
You can also achieve this with drugs, but I advise against that.
The Struggle is Real
A key element to nailing the ego death is showing the internal struggle your character has with identity issues prior to the moment of ego death. Donnie grappled often with issues of God, faith and predestination throughout the film, grappling with fear, confusion, and despair before reaching his moment of peace and enlightenment. Your character might experience intense fear as their ego resists its dissolution. However, if they accept it, they may feel an overwhelming sense of peace and freedom. There should at some point be a conflict within the character between the worldview they knew and the worldview they are stepping into. It could be an internal argument or a crucial choice they have to make. Show them breaking away from their old way of thinking and you can add gravitas to their moment of ego death.
Life After Transformation
Your character's ego death won't resonate unless you take time to depict how your character has changed from the experience. There should be a marked difference in behavior and attitude going forward, with a focus on your character's connections with others within the story. The truck is in not making that change of attitude selfish. Both Ebenezer scrooge and The watchmen's comedian both have transformative realizations, but their attitudes and behaviors coming out of those epiphanies were rooted in selfish desires and attitudes. Ego death is meant to be a positive moment of growth, and this must reflect in how your character behaves and in their thought process. The Grinch's change of attitude and selfless behavior going forward, even risking his own life to correct his mistake, and subsequent returning of gifts without asking for anything in return is a clearer example of how to properly treat a characters' behavior post ego death.
Conclusion
Ego death can be a crucial part of character progression, especially in redemptive character arcs. Take time to explore this, and your characters will be stronger for it.
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And do you have a favorite Ego Death moment in a story you’ve read, played or seen? tell me about it in the comments.